blog what you like

I am fortunate enough to be able to send my two older children to sleepaway camp.  It is a fantastic learning, growing and maturing experience - for me and them!  My kids learn that the world still turns if they wear clothes that don’t match or the same shirt 4 days in a row, or what it’s like to meet new people, watch themselves become independent beings and experience things they never could at home (we don’t have a lake in our backyard or a kiln in the kitchen).

That said, there’s a lot of waiting involved with camp.  It all starts with the waiting-to-pack time period.  It’s incredible how much stuff needs to be stuffed inside of the trunks that are taken to camp.  Ok, first off, let’s not date ourselves to when they were actual black with gold rivet trunks – they’re really just duffle bags.  Granted, huge, enormous, can hold at least 4 grown men duffles, but duffle bags nevertheless.  And these duffles sit in my bedroom for weeks until they are actually picked up and taken away (given that we don’t have an extra bedroom and my husband and I’s room has the most space).  So I wait as long as possible to unearth them from where they are stashed all winter to reduce the number of nights I can possibly slip, roll and kill myself on an errant battery or sunscreen stick that has escaped the double layered ziploc bag in which it was stored.  Aside from my general safety, I have to wait to pack because nothing pisses me off more than putting items inside the bags and crossing them off my checklist, only to be asked the next morning by one of my chidlren if they can wear that shirt, jersey, soccer cleat, you name it, one last time.  So, although I have a few friends that are happy to feel organized starting this process in February for a June pick-up, I’ll stick with the wait-until-the-last-minute crunch time way that seems to work best for us.

But the waiting doesn’t end with the pick-up of the bags.  No siree.  Then there’s the parking lot send-off where the parents stand in the middle of an open parking lot in midday.  Blinking, shielding their eyes in the glaring heat (even behind the giant black Jackie-O glasses bought for the occasion) at a tinted window to try to catch a last glimpse of their child while trying to choke back emotion to “put on a good front”.  Inevitably, there’s a late-comer who was stuck in traffic so us parents are left standing like beauty pageant idiots waving and waiting, waving and waiting.

Once the bus pulls away then the wait for the first online picture begins.  Can you say refresh button?  You never know when new pics will be posted… And of course, the first letter (hopefully with no circled tear droplets or talk of homesickness and hitching a ride home) and the first phone call.  Visiting Day can never arrive quickly enough and as soon as you pull away from camp, the countdown to their homecoming begins.  And then there’s the the daily wait for the mailman in the hopes he brings some small tidbit of a literary connection.

Key thing to note (and I learned this the hard way the first summer my kids were away), is that my summer life is what happens in between all this waiting.  So although I miss them terribly each summer and usually have several countdowns going at once, I also recognize that the countdown to the hectic long days of the school year with homework, carpooling, sports practices and coordination of schedules is also going on during these precious and fleeting summer weeks. 

So I’m trying to appreciate the waiting.  And dare I say, enjoy it.  Because before you know it, we’ll all have to endure the longest wait of all… when summer ends and we wait until next summer to do it all over again.

“You what?  Work with your husband?  And you work out of your house??  Are you serious?!?!” I’ve been asked these questions countless times over the past 3 ½ years since my husband, Ken, and I started LikeWear.  These questions are almost always followed (once the asker has been able to close their mouth from the incredulity of the idea) with the statement, “My husband and I could NEVER be in business together.  It just wouldn’t work.  And neither would our marriage.”

Sometimes I’m even surprised myself at how Ken and I have been able to work together and that our marriage seems to be stronger because of it.  But, it definitely hasn’t been easy.  No siree.  Managing a business with your spouse introduces all kinds of additional financial pressures and responsibilities on top of those that already exist with maintaining a household and raising children.  It takes a lot of time, money and work to get a new business going – and even more to keep it going.

The hardest part of working together inside the house has been separating work and personal life.  The lines are always blurred.  And although I think we both do a pretty good job of keeping that work vs. family line in focus, there’s always room for improvement.  The challenge comes in because there is never a natural end to the work day as most of the work is being done literally out of our house.   And as owners of a new, entrepreneurial business, there’s always more to do than the two of us can physically accomplish.  So, it’s often a conscious, planned effort to pull away and focus on our kids, our outside interests and even ourselves.

So, just how do we make it work?  What advice would I give to other couples looking to work together? 

• First and probably foremost, if you don’t have a strong relationship and/or don’t truly enjoy being with each other, don’t go into business together.  The issues and stresses of running a business together are often too much for a marriage/relationship to handle.  That said, if you do have a stable base upon which to build, the combined focus and connection you share for the business can actually increase your bond.
• Time management is critical.  But, try to be respectful of what’s important (both personally and professionally) to your spouse.  What’s significant to you may be very different than what’s significant to them.
• In addition to being committed to each other, make sure you are both equally committed to the business.  In other words, you both REALLY have to believe in it and be prepared to share the workload.  Equally.  That includes housework and homework.
• Do your best to separate business and personal life when you can.  Both are very important and need dedicated time - particularly if you have kids.  It may help to “schedule” personal time if you never seem to be able to get around to taking time off.  And definitely don’t forget those date nights!
• Remember that you are “co-workers” (at least during office hours) and it’s not always appropriate to treat each other as significant others - particularly if you have other employees working with you.  I’m referring to both PDA as well as personal jabs or insults that don’t have a place in a work context.
• When things get tough (and they will) try to remind each other of what you have been able to accomplish as opposed to all that still needs to be done.  Being supportive means being there for each other.  Everyone can’t operate at 110% all of the time, so help to gather each others “slack”.

 
Admittedly, working with your husband or wife is not a typical scenario.  And working alongside each other out of your home makes the situation even more unusual.  So, even if you follow the tips above, a shared working /home scenario is not always a smooth reality.  But I’ve never been one to shun hard work or take the easy way out.  Things that come easily aren’t as meaningful as those that require effort.  And I plan to keep reminding myself of that over every bump we hit on our uphill climb – but not, of course, during date night.

Help!  My kids are hoarders.  Ok, it’s out there and I’ve said it but it doesn’t make me feel any better.  Dr. Phil, Oprah, Dateline – someone please rescue us from all the clutter!!  I need professional help – either for helping us to say good riddance to the random refuse or for helping me to buck my bare-essential neatnick upbringing.

The minute school ends and the summer officially kicks in – so do my obsessive organization neuroses which I’ve forced myself to ignore all year long.  But like any addict that has denied their compulsion for too long, the desire eventually reaches a boiling point and can no longer be ignored.  So, straight from dropping my two older children at the bus for sleepaway camp, I practically sprinted up the stairs to their bedrooms armed with garbage bags and a determination to be pragmatic in my purging.

I started in my son’s room - my disorganized son’s room.  This was the kid who couldn’t find anything he needed all year long in his school notebooks when it was time to do homework or look up an assignment.  Maybe he should have checked on the desk in his room.  Mind you, I don’t think he sat at this desk once all year to study or do any work (that was done in the kitchen, of course, so he could snack at the same time and have the most chance for distraction as it’s always the busiest room in our house).  However, the desk was certainly being put to use in some way – as a paper landfill!  There were stacks of old school work each piled 2-3 feet high.  He had taken very little interest in these papers when they counted, but now they were all apparently too important for him to dump in the trash.  Not for me!  But, interspersed in the ripped, dog-eared unkempt piles were a few fabulous art projects and a couple of creative essays that were definite “keepers”.  So, like most excavation projects, I had to carefully sift through what was mostly rubble to uncover a few gems worth holding onto before returning his desk to its regular full, upright, unencumbered, and unused position.

Then I tentatively marched into each of my daughters’ rooms.  My 12 year old’s dresser and desk were easy – some old rubber bracelets, books that have long since been read, clay figurines made in a random art class, a couple of Chuck E. Cheese coins and some old candy wrappers (though I’m not sure if it was her who ate the candy or the dog who just left the plastic behind).  Easy because when it comes to her stuff – the nick-knacks – everything seems to have its place.  Not so much in her closet.  Overall it seemed as though she had taken every article of clothing she owns out of each shelf, rolled them each up in a ball and thrown them back in carnival-style as if she was trying to see how many she could get back in the area from which it originally came.  It didn’t look like she had won any prizes.  Definitely not as far as I was concerned.  And then there were all the clothes that were obviously too small, too juvenile or too “unfavorite” to have been worn this year but that she just didn’t want to part with.  Let’s just say I helped her with some of the tough decision-making.  Anything that involuntarily disappeared will likely never be missed or even asked for again.  Out of sight, out of mind really applies here.

Not so much with my younger daughter.  In fact, her room is the hardest for me.  She’s home for the summer.  And like a jackal at my side, she rifled through her older brother and sister’s stuff with me scavenging for treasures.  Before I knew it, I had a real mess on my hands.  And, I’m not even talking about what her room now looked like.  I’m talking about having “the talk”.  No, not that one.  But one that is even more difficult for me to discuss with her – the talk about how we just can’t save everything we find, buy or are given - for the rest of eternity.  If she could, that’s just what she would do because “you never know when you might need the scratched gold sequin found in the movie parking lot from 2 years ago”.  And, sometimes I have trouble denying her.  Because she knows exactly where she’s put all these little (and sometimes big) things and she almost always puts her “finds” to use.  But, when the top of the dresser can’t even be seen anymore, it’s time to start dishing out the tough love – while she’s not looking of course.  And all that while start thinking up excuses and explanations as to where the items I’ve tossed have gone.  Because this daughter will definitely ask.

So overall what’s a mother to do here?  Compromise of course!  I’ll let my kids accumulate, build up and save whatever they want all school-year long while turning a blind eye under the guise of nurturing creativity and a sense of self for each of them.  But, just like Jekyll has his Hyde, I’ll try to summon my alter ego to resurface each summer to tip the scales back and re-establish our household organizational balance.  That is, at least, until one of Oprah’s “hoarding specialists” show up to show me how it’s really done.

I’ve been reading a great book called Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard.   No, not the lightest of bedtime reading, but it has enlightened me – and I wanted to share with you some of what I’ve learned and how I’ve related it to our business…

In order to succeed in business and reach your full potential, you must have (or embrace) a “growth mindset”*.  People with a growth mindset believe their abilities are like muscles – they can be built up with practice.  This is opposed to those with a “fixed mindset” who believe that abilities are static – that your talents and skills reflect the way you’re wired.  Those with a fixed mindset tend to avoid challenges, because if they fail, they are afraid others will see the failure as an indication of their true, natural ability.  In contrast, those with a growth mindset, believe that with concerted effort, you can make yourself better.  As such, these types of people stretch themselves, take some risks, accept feedback and take a long-term view… all of which helps them to progress not only in their careers, but also in their lives.  The good news is that a growth mindset can be taught.

Success in any business – including party plan ones – requires commitment, determination and a willingness to learn.  Like any business, you must put the effort into it in order to see financial results.  Most people are not great at something the first time they try it.  If they were, we’d all be fantastic at everything!  Most feel hope and excitement at the start of something (like a new business).  Once the work starts to happen and challenges arise, it’s easy to feel frustrated.  Many new reps never attain their dreams – because by definition - they’re NEW – and there is much to learn.  They stop because they become afraid to fail.  However, it is at this part of the cycle that new ideas spring forth and insight and improvements happen.  I’d like to suggest instead to view this feeling of “failure” as LEARNING. 

For example, our original thoughts to offer both a Cash & Carry as well as a non-inventory selling option for our reps, has changed.  We were feeling frustrated because some of our reps were experiencing tremendous success while others were struggling.  So, we analyzed the selling patterns of our most successful reps in an effort to determine what they were doing that was different than the others.  The answer was always the same – home shows!  We want to guide our reps to where they will have the most success as naturally your success = our success.  As such, we used this “insight” (with a tremendous amount of learning and effort!) to completely revamp our compensation plan to help reward our reps for the actions that would deliver the best results. 

The secret formula seems to be having frequent but shorter personalized shopping “shows” with some goods to sell on the spot (bought at the rep discount price) in combination with taking “special orders” so there is little or no inventory risk.

We will continue to help, guide and better “train” our reps so that success – however it is measured by you – is realized.  The only way to fail in this business is to quit.  If you’re not getting the results you want from your business, embrace the LEARNING necessary to MAKE A CHANGE that will enable you to SUCCEED.  Don’t give up - it can be done.

My first born, my baby, my now somewhat mature 11 year old has just graduated from 5th grade, signaling the end of her elementary school days. Tears of joy, confusion, disbelief and incredulity well up in my eyes as I type the words.

It is milestones such as these when I examine not only my children’s development but also my parenting skills (they kinda go hand in hand). The most challenging aspect of parenting, I think, is to help your child to feel secure, accepted and part of a group while simultaneously encouraging them to feel confident enough to be themselves - comfortable in their own skin and with their actions - even if it means bucking the trend. I think this about sums it up:

“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am consistently shocked by the hamster-wheel of pandemonium that I call my everyday life. Maybe I’m trying to get too much done. Maybe I need my own office. Maybe my to-do lists need sub-lists. Maybe I need to hire a personal assistant. Maybe I’m suffering from some type of attention deficit disorder and should seek immediate medical attention.

My aunt recently forwarded me an email that made me feel less alone in my illness (and made me laugh hysterically!). Though my daily tasks and activities are different than the ones described, the flow of the day is disarmingly similar…

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote…someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day, the car isn’t washed, the bills aren’t paid, there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter, the flowers don’t have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can’t find the remote, I can’t find my glasses, and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired!

The crazy part is, if this really was my exact day, after realizing my inefficiency, I would wash the car while the kids’ dinner was cooking, I would pay bills and find a new book of checks while my kids were doing their homework, with baths and showers running I would clean up all loose house clutter – including the now warm can of Pepsi, and just prior to bedtime I would start a game of seek and find with my kids to see who could find my glasses and the remote first – winner allowed to choose which TV show we watch before collapsing in bed!!

No matter how crazy, distracted, or chaotic my focus gets, at the end of the day I keep the wheel spinning until my jobs are done. Most of them anyway. Some may say I’m just spinning my wheels, but it’s my raucous reality and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I was running on the treadmill yesterday in an attempt to alleviate the stress and negative thoughts I was feeling in regards to the fact that there is NEVER enough time to get it all done.

My husband very succinctly gave me his view on this before leaving the house for a 22 minute “stress” run outside (with our dog I might add) before we rushed off to the first of the 3 games we were attending this particular rainy Saturday (2 soccer, 1 football). “There will never be enough time. Get over it and get used to it!” he said not very sympathetically. I “harrumphed” a little to myself and started to watch (and really listen) to the music video playing on MTV in front of me while I kicked up the treadmill an angry notch. That was when I found a kindred spirit or soul mate of sorts – in the unlikeliest of people… Kid Rock.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Kid Rock – puhlease! But seriously, the lyrics to his new song ‘Roll On’ really resonated with me. He sings of the roller coaster that life is – enjoying the ride and being wise enough to look back and see how although we may have made mistakes, we corrected them and learned from them along the way. We all long for our kids to grow and have kids of their own and hopefully we are wise enough and aware enough to share with them our experiences and what we believe is the secret of life.

The central message of the song – for me anyway – is excerpted below:

“We’re one day older and one step closer
Roll on there’s mountains to climb
Roll on we’re on borrowed time
Roll on Roller coaster
Roll on tonight”

I may be reading into the lyrics a bit too much. Maybe it was just my mood. Maybe I was just blindsided by the fact that we all mature and grow up – even someone like Kid Rock. That said, I encourage watching the video and judging for yourself: Kid Rock “Roll On” Video

I attended services this past Rosh Hashanah holiday. In between passing Tootsie Rolls and gum to my kids, gossiping with my sister, fiddling with my short skirt and pleading with my husband to take one more walk to the bathroom with our 5 year old, I actually paid attention and took to heart the lessons of the cantor’s sermon.

She referred to everyone’s busy schedules nowadays and the sentiment of knowing that you need to do something (i.e., calling out of touch friends and relatives, etc.) but will attend to the task when you get around to it. Don’t put things off. Easier said than done – believe me, I know. Procrastination is a temporary fix – my words not hers. Think how much better you’ll feel if you get it done today!

Okay, maybe saying “do it today” is too much pressure. I’m all about being kinder to oneself, enjoying down time, doing the right things first, blah, blah, blah. But it’s a noble exercise to take a moment to evaluate what we’d like to accomplish and then set a path to make it happen. Forget the pressure of an immediate time frame but keep reminding yourself that (just like your exercise workout) you may not want to endure the process, but you’ll feel fabulous once the job is done.

The cantor at our synagogue had buttons made up for each of us to take home donning the phrase “around to it”. The buttons also displayed the Jewish New Year date as a reminder that this is the year to GET IT DONE. While I won’t be sporting my new button on any upcoming outfits, it does sit on my dresser – a reminder to not put off tomorrow what will positively effect not only my life, but possibly someone else’s as well. In this way, we can all have an impact and make the world a little bit better – simply that simple. Happy New Year.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

How can I be so incredibly, nerve-rackingly busy all day long and still feel like there is so much to do?!?! I’ve mentioned a few ways (in prior posts) to be in the moment and appreciate all that gets done as opposed to what has yet to be completed, but that is such a difficult concept to put into practice! I’m really trying – seriously. Every day I try to be kinder to myself and recognize my daily accomplishments. I try to focus on the “cross-outs” of my lists instead of the “new additions”. I’m so forgiving of others but I can be so demanding of myself.

This thinking likely stems from the pressure of running and growing a new and fast-moving business. I’m looking for some additional support people and their hire will help me. But for now it’s primarily up to me to not let things slip through the cracks. I don’t want emails to go unanswered and phone calls to go unreturned. I want inventory to be ordered and replenished in a timely fashion. I want orders to ship out as quickly as possible… back-orders bug me. They’re inevitable, I know. But I like it when things are orderly and clean (despite what my house looks like come the end of the weekend!).

Do I sound like I’m complaining? I don’t mean to. Busyness at this stage of LikeWear’s life cycle equates to business – as in we’re doing well. Given the state of the current economy, that says a lot. Also, I have several friends that are bored out of their minds during the day. They look upon me and all my daytime productivity (and frenzy) with envy. I know my soul thrives on this type of chaos in many ways - but the grass is always greener. I think I might enjoy a little boredom once in a while. You know, for about 5 minutes or so.